There it was again . . .

Chalkboard old school room

. . . that  middle-of-August-summer-is-almost-over fragrance of time past.   I’ve smelled  September twice now in just the last few days. And yesterday the wind had the sharp feel that always caused my mother to say, ‘better take a sweater with you.’  The air has been filled with a nostalgic bite that makes me think of the first day of school and hear the chalk screech on the board. And recreates that smell of brick and plaster walls and linoleum floors, along with the waxy odor of new crayons and old chalk dust. I almost feel again the cramped feet feel of wearing shoes after a summer of mostly bare feet.  They may have been new, but they felt tight!

It got me thinking about how September always feels new.  A new beginning,  anything is possible sense feeling. The scary, exciting feeling of change, and for me, of being the new kid, of wondering who my friends will be, who will have lunch with me. The perpetual question, what will happen this year? We moved a lot when I was a kid – 12 schools from K thtough 12, and only one was a repeat.

I did a lot of mental gymnastics before school would start.  Thought about many things I could never know the answer to in advance, worry about things I couldn’t possibly have any control over.  Questions like those I’ve already mentioned and dozens more.  I’d plan what I would wear – many times!  Maybe these socks, this skirt, or maybe something blue, green, red.   What should I do to make it turn out alright? Would a different outfit make it better for me?

And though I relate this state of September to the new-kid-in-class feeling I used to experience  - – it’s really not so different from the feelings I sometimes feel today, in my older, more mature, supposed to be wiser time of life, as I think about meeting new clients for the first time.

There it is in the gut – the slightly scary feel of change, of something new, of not knowing the outcomes of the first day! The internal questions may be a little different, and underneath there still is the big one – will they like me? will they want to have lunch with me — that is, work with me, or will they sit at another table in the cafeteria?

I may not worry so much about what I am going to wear – professional attire is so much easier than psyching out the clothing fads of high school girls in a particular school district miles from where you used to live!  I’m more concerned now about preparation.  Did I do enough, do I have the statistics I need, are the packets complete, should I add another article, or will I overwhelm them with too much information, and on and on!

Enough!  I’m slowly learning that the September state can be a crazy state of mind! Gradually putting in place the systems that help me feel ready to meet the kids in class.  Realizing that they have as many questions as I do, listening to those questions and focusing on liking them makes for more pleasant outcomes.  And just as in high school not everyone does want to have lunch with me! (A little less traumatic than in the teen age years!) But for those that do, it’s a great and wonderful adventure we get to share!

Photo by Daintee, used with permission